How Van Gogh Paid For My Tropical Vacation

"You're hired!" The words were music to my ears. I, Evangeline Star, was in. My resume, although riddled with lies, had impressed the museum enough for me to slide through. I was now an archivist for the Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum with the access to steal a Van Gogh. This small but beautiful painting of Alexander Reid with its vibrant colors caught my attention right away; of course, the price it would fetch also played a part. The first step of my plan was complete; it was time to then begin my recon and research, as I already knew where the painting was in the museum. It was located in the French art gallery section on the first floor to the east wall. The fact that it was in a room that had an outward facing wall also eased my worries, if my exit was interrupted I could always escape through the wall with a small explosive device.

Destruction and making a scene was obviously not my first choice, but when it came to going to jail I would anything to get out clean. One example of this was recently when a Dutch museum was robbed using explosives and other artifacts were damaged. This is what I would want to avoid, doing any unnecessary harm to the art and artifacts of the Kelvingrove. This is why I would want to use a small explosive device but only if necessary. I could tell you about how I would construct this device but that is on a need to know basis.

This Painting of Alexander Reid by Vincent Van Gogh was my ticket to paradise. Now that I had obtained work at the museum I would have the access I needed to plan my heist and steal this painting. As 90% of all art crimes are internal, an inside job was my natural route to steal this piece of art. Getting internal access to the museum and gaining the trust of those I worked for would allow me to steal the art much easier. I chose this painting in particular because of not only its value as a Van Gogh but because of its size. It would be easy to make off with as it is approximately 26in by 23in framed. This was one of my biggest concerns when choosing what I wanted to steal as I read in my research, many art thefts have gone awry because of size. One case that stands out in particular was two Andy Warhol prints that had been left out on the street because they couldn't fit in the thief's car, and the prints were damaged. Why was this? All because of poor planning.

Since I got my job at the museum in January I would have six months to gain the trust of the security team and other employees of the museum. My visa was only for six months so I planned to steal the painting right before my time was up. I would then flee the country and it would be slightly less suspicious. I would sell my painting before I left though, crossing boarders with any illicit material is a pain. However once you do get to another country jurisdiction becomes tricky and you are more likely to get away. Taiwan is where I am writing from today, my dream destination and my country of choice. Not to mention Interpol has no jurisdiction here and the UK doesn't recognize Taiwan as a state so I can't be extradited. 

The Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum

The Kelvingrove Museum opened in 1901

The latest theft

was in 2012

Security was last

updated in 2018

My heist occurred this very year

These images of the Kelvingrove museum were taken by me on my digital camera when I first visited the museum in the spring of last year. It shows the beauty of the architecture but also the age of the structure of the museum itself. Despite the old look of the museum it does have 360 degree cameras in each of the exhibit rooms that will alert the security team when they detect movement. This was my biggest challenge as I would have very little time to get in and out of the museum with my painting. I would have spent the night working late in the archives so that was my entrance, and after everyone left I would make my move. I would have alerted the security team that I was working late so I would be able to walk around without all of the alarms going off. However once I removed the painting from the wall nothing would stop that alert. 

Because of this I had to move fast, removing the painting from the wall (some thieves have cut paintings out of frames but I didn't want to waste any time or do any damage to the value of the work). I then causally but quickly I moved down the stairs and out the back exit to my waiting car. Driving away from the city center and towards my buyer, it was best not to wait and have the stolen art in my possession for as short a time as possible. I met with the buyer I had arranged months prior through a friend I had that knew some shady people. I knew they were the real deal because when I went for a meeting they had many famous works of art in their office that appeared authentic. The kinds of art that doesn't go on the market, not the legal market anyway. We met at a neutral location and made an exchange, the Alexander Reid painting for 100,000 dollars in cash.

Van Gogh’s self portrait

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• This is the real self portrait of Van Gogh compared to the portrait of Reid that people believed to be of Van Gogh for a time.

1889

A picture of Van Gogh

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• This is a photograph of a young Van Gogh at the age of 19 showing what he looked like in his earlier years.

1872

Van Gogh’s portrait of Alexander Reid

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• This is the painting of Alexander Reid that I have stolen, it does bear a comparison to Van Gogh but looks very distinguishingly different in my opinion. They have the same blue eyes and red hair but an entirely diffrent face shape.

1887

These paintings and this photograph show Van Gogh and Alexander Reid and how similar they look in painted form, I included this because the painting of Reid that I stole was thought for years to actually be a self portrait by Van Gogh, while the two have the same striking red hair and blue eyes their face shapes are completely different with Van Gogh having a much thinner and longer face while Reid's is shorter and rounder. Getting back to my heist, once I had my money I had to get out of the country as quickly as possible because my face was on cameras and they would be coming for me, I couldn't go home and I didn't need to, I had everything I would need in my car. My boat ticket to Norway was under a fake name and from there it would be easier, to drive into Russia, fly from there into Dubai and finally take one last flight into Taiwan go off the grid completely and get a new identity.

Another mistake many art criminals make is staying in the same place and really not doing enough to hide their crime, for example one man, a curator at the British Museum sold artifacts on eBay under a fake account but it was not difficult to discover it was him. If you want to be a successful thief you really need to commit, cut off everyone you know, leave your phone and belongings behind and create a whole new life.

As I write this from my beach house in Taiwan I can't help but think of everything that could have gone wrong with my heist. I don't regret what I did but I am glad I got so lucky to be where I am today. With all of the failed art heists I was inspired by, I am glad I did my research and you should too! Minus the actual heist part of course. I do not endorse crime, I only wanted to tell my very rare story of success.

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